Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Fear That Just Won't Go Away...

For a few days now, I've had a nagging pain in my rib. Not only is it on the radiated side, but it is right where my bra tucks into my body under my right breast. Anything that touches that spot causes a dull ache, but it is also the same spot on my rib that has hurt off and on since radiation some almost six years ago.

OK - so I know the rules about "new" pains for cancer survivors: 1) call your doc if it lasts constantly for two weeks and 2) that cancer usually doesn't hurt, so if pain is involved, don't panic. Sounds logical and all, but logic tends to go out the window when the mind starts wandering in the middle of the night.

Of course I'm thinking "recurrence" - who wouldn't? I know it's only been two days, but still. So I worried and fretted and even thought about what chemo and surgery options I might have. It was even worse than scanxiety (that naggingly long time between blood-work, scans or other tests and getting the results). Sigh...

And why must this stuff always happen in the middle of the night or over holiday weekends? It was all I could do to not reach for my phone and log onto WebMD. At 3A.M. While holding my side. And planning my memorial service.

But I did stay in bed. I also grabbed the heating pad (which is always plugged in at the side of the bed due to aches, bumps and bruises from karate) and turned it on. The heat felt good, the pain went away and all was right with the world again. And it will be until the next nagging pain, I'm sure...

Cancer sucks, BTW...

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