The Oncologist Visit That Wasn't

My oncologist is a breast cancer survivor as well. When I met her for the first office visit, she was sporting a wig and a lymphydema sleeve. As much as I like her, she does something no other onc I know does: insists on regular follow-up visits every three months well past the one and five year NED (no evidence of disease) marks. Other oncs drop to six month visits after a year then once a year after two NED years.

OK, so cancer isn't part of my daily thought process anymore, but every three months I hafta make an appointment, have blood drawn, weight taken and lymph nodes felt. The only other tests she's ordered is a bone density scan (and that was two years ago), so it isn't even a case of "scan-xiety" (the seemingly long amount of time between having a test done and getting the results). I just hate going to see her on principle alone.

I missed the last visit in April because I had something to do for work, I think. I was supposed to call the next week to reschedule, but I never did. Might as well wait until July and schedule it then, but I don't even want to do that. It's self-defeating and stupid, but, what can I say? I just don't wanna go!

Yep - that's me in the corner frowning and pouting, can't ya tell?

2009: A Recap

In the last 12 months, I've lost four friends to breast cancer. Amazing women all, their deaths weren't really shocking as all were diagnosed Stage IV.

My diagnosis was Stage II, primarily based on the size of the tumor (about five centimeters or two inches). Not needing chemotherapy, my prognosis was good and I've been NED (No Evidence of Disease) since 2004. And as amazing as that sounds, it does nothing to alleviate the fear of someday being diagnosed Stage IV myself.

In many ways, having had cancer has made me extremely careful. Always into healthy eating and fitness, I've been even more careful about what I put into and on my body in the last five years. Still have some difficulty eating five fruits and veggies a day, but I strive for it.

But in many more ways, being a cancer survivor has made me reckless in ways that have shocked me. Whether it is texting or talking on the phone while driving too fast or throwing caution to the wind with my finances, it's almost like somewhere in the back of my mind is what I call a "live for today because it could come back tomorrow" mentality. That's the lasting legacy that cancer leaves in its wake. Although it sometimes takes a back seat to the more pressing issues of work, family and that nagging need to buy groceries, it's always there hovering around and floating through the transom of my mind - and it totally sucks...

Please let this be the year where major steps are made towards finding a cure...