October 4, 2009 will mark my five year "cancerversary." I remember when my diagnosis was new and every now and then, someone who knew of my bilateral would sneak a peek at my new girls - like I couldn't tell that their eyes suddenly dropped from my face and to my chest (trust me, it is very obvious). I even remember lamenting about the peeks on a breast cancer message board and finding out that it happened to everyone once the word of their illness got out. Eventually you get used to it, the seasoned veterans told me. And you know what? They were right, although I never really got totally comfortable with it.
It's been four years since I was in active treatment and dealing with expanders/pending exchange surgery. The seventh of this month also marked the two year anniversary of my IGAP. Ironically, after everything is virtually finished, the chest looks have started happening again.
Not sure what people expect to see - or not see - when they scope my chest, but in business attire, casual wear and even in the sports bras and athletic tops I wear for karate and working out, you can't tell anything is amiss - which is exactly why I decided to have reconstruction in the first place. I can recall only one male serial gawker, but there have been quite a few females. Of course part of me understands that they are curious and want to know if they'll look any different if they are unfortunate enough to have to deal with breast amputation, but still. Can't they just jump on the Internet instead? There are lots of great sites that have plenty of anonymous reconstruction before and after pics. It is possible to spend hours there, gawking all day long.
So would you stop staring at my boobs please?